This article was originally published on ParentMood
Toys shaped our childhood; it's hard to think back to our younger years without a certain game or fun accessory coming to mind. And even as we get older, many of us have to stay up to date with the latest Mattel or Hot Wheels products and more, whether it's because we're parents, grandparents, or that cool aunt/uncle. But boy, have things changed: the toys in our children's playrooms are more detailed and complicated than ever. But sometimes, they're just so horribly designed that it's actually hilariously disastrous.
Beauty Standards Are Getting Out of Hand
Dolls, specifically Barbie dolls, are well known for creating unhealthy expectations of our bodies when we are merely young children. The specific body characteristics and shape of these dolls are oftentimes unreasonable and nigh impossible to achieve. However, don't worry because instead of the barbies of old you can just purchase these new dolls. Instead of trying to get that barbie sized waist, your child will be asking for plastic surgery to enlarge their eyes.
One doll's eyes are impossibly large and the other's eyes are completely off the midline of the face. It's going to take a lot of plastic surgery to get these results.
Who Wants a Possessed Demon Baby?
We can all agree that dolls are inherently creepy, even when they're not even trying? This doll, however, looks like it was intentionally designed to inspire fear and terror in its owner. We believe the designer was attempting to create a crying baby doll. Instead, the doll looks like a screaming old man's face was placed on a baby's body. The cowboy hat accessory is really not helping the situation.
We really cannot blame the baby for being upset. We would be angry if an old man's face was put on our body, as well. What type of person buys this doll?
Do All Medical Doctors Get a Gun With Their Diploma?
Playing doctor as a young child is a common occurrence. Many of us, when we were children, wanted to grow up to become a doctor someday. This toy set would be perfect for any child with similar career ambitions, as it is a Doctor's play set. However, that is until you see what comes in the doctor's plastic tool kit. A gun. Yes, because a gun is what every medical professional really needs.
We are unsure who designed this toy set or who would believe that every doctor owns a gun, but the bigger question is what's the medical purpose behind the gun?
Garfield Had the Life Sucked Right Out of Him
Garfield is everyone's favorite cat. From comic strips to television shows, and even a live-action movie, this cat has been everywhere. A child's desire to own their very own plushy Garfield is understandable, but it would appear that Garfield has had the life sucked out of him. The plushy toy was vacuum sealed before being delivered to its future owner and the results are traumatizing. Garfield, in vacuum sealing, is a sight to behold.
We hope that the parents were able to unwrap the toy before the child saw it because, if not, then the child will probably never be able to recover.
The Big Hero 6 Toy Comes With an R-Rating
Big Hero 6 and the heroic robot, Baymax, was, and still is, an extremely popular Disney children's movie. As is standard with most of the children-focused animated Disney movies, the movie was only rated PG. However, this blow-up doll of the movie's star character would seem to insinuate the possibility of a Big Hero 6 sequel that might be geared towards a more adult audience. The blow-up toy gained an additional appendage in the crotch area that's a hilarious design fail.
Blowing up a children's doll should not be leaving these types of thoughts in our heads. Hopefully, no children are going to ask their parents what's dangling between Baymax's legs.
Is Mario Alright?
Everyone knows the world's most famous plumber, Mario. The famous brother of Luigi is most often seen in video games such as Mario Kart, a high-speed racing game. However, who wouldn't want to take a ride on Mario as well? Well, you are in luck because someone out there designed a Kiddie Ride depicting the iconic character. Unfortunately, the results are somewhat horrific and terrifying for such a fun and beloved Nintendo character.
First off, we aren't sure the designer of this ride has ever seen Mario because this ride looks nothing like him. The only clue is Mario's iconic hat and mustache.
Get A Baby in a Bin
Many children enjoy playing with baby dolls or figures. Whether the child wishes to play house or just have a grand old time pretending to be a mother to a newborn, the baby doll is a necessary toy for any childhood playroom. Fortunately, this type of toy is widely distributed and can easily be found at a majority of stores. When you are looking you might even find the baby doll comes in some disturbing packaging like down below.
These baby dolls have been crammed into tight little plastic boxes. While it makes for great transportation it paints a rather disturbing picture. We can almost hear their wails for help.
McDonald's Version of an Arctic Fox
We all remember the catchy tune of Old Macdonald Had a Farm. It was bold, humorous, and just stuck right in your head. Well, it would appear that one animal that was not on Old Macdonald's farm was Arctic Foxes because they have no clue how an Artic Fox should look in real life. In this McDonald's Happy Meal the child received a toy Artic Fox that has had some alarming physical changes.
The fox was born, apparently, with some really concerning repositioning of its eyes and overall appearance. The result is somewhat horrifying and oddly fascinating. The McDonald's toy designer might want to redo this one.
Thomas Has Seen Too Much
Everyone remembers Thomas, the cutest train engine to have ever existed. Thomas the Train came alive for us as we read the books, played with the toys, and watched the character on television. We all remember Thomas' happy smile and the pure enjoyment on his face. Unfortunately, it has been a few years since then and it would appear that since then Thomas has seen some insane stuff. His wide-eyed expression here screams of years of trauma.
This toy's design leaves us wondering what inspired the designer to give Thomas such a shocked and horrified expression. What has our favorite train gone through in recent years?
The Teddy Bear From Hell
Teddy Bears are an iconic and popular children's toy. They are great for cuddles and can comfort your child to sleep or nap anytime. Usually, Teddy Bears have such a warm and inviting appearance that begs for a hug, but not this Teddy Bear. The iconic brown fur and brown eyes have been replaced with red fur and yellow eyes. The result is what appears to be a Teddy Bear that has risen from Hell.
The demon Teddy Bear might not help your child go to sleep, but if you want your child traumatized with years of nightmares and decades of therapy then this is a must-buy.
Pikachu Has Really Let Themselves Go
Everyone remembers playing Pokémon on their first gaming system, collecting all the cards, and watching the creatures come to life on their televisions. Sadly, it has been several years since we have reminisced with some of our favorite Pokémon creatures. We are beginning to wonder where some of them have gone off too, such as our favorite electrical mouse, Pikachu. It would appear that in the last few years Pikachu has gained a few pounds.
Our favorite mouse has become slightly overweight since our childhood. We are just sad to see that they let themselves go so badly. Our only question is who designed a fat Pikachu?
Nemo Just Got His Braces Removed
The dentist is never a fun experience for children or even adults. It would make sense that a dentist's office would want to make their clients more comfortable with some fun themes such as the famous children's movie, Finding Nemo. Marlin and Nemo, the film's protagonists, are a comforting sight to see in any location, but that was before the dentist decided to make some modifications to the stuffed fish toy.
The dentist's office had installed real-looking teeth models into the fishes' heads and the results are something of nightmares. This feels like the horror story version of the movie, Finding Nemo.
Teddy Has an Interesting Hobby
A great feature of children's toys is that they have had multiple functions to keep your children entertained all day long. This particular stuffed teddy bear is able to launch balls from its mouth. The designers of this toy wished to show off this toy's function by placing one of the launchable balls in the bear's mouth. Unfortunately, the results are giving us reminders of another type of toy...
With the plastic bands holding the ball in place the teddy bear appears to be in a ball gag. Who knew children's toys were also marketing towards the rough play crowd.
An Inappropriate Appendage for Children's Toys
Figurines, toy cars, and motorcycles are all a common feature of any child's playroom. This particular toy is fantastic because you can place the figurine into the motorcycle and it is held in place by a specific attachment. While this is good fun for any child who wants the motorcycle rider to do some fantastic tricks in midair the attachment is evocative of something other than plastic toys and motorcycles.
The attachment's placement between the legs in the crotch area of the toy makes it look like our motorcyclist is a well-endowed male. This shouldn't be a children's toy.
Pikachu's Tripping
Once again, the iconic title character of the Pokémon franchise is getting some poor mistreatment at the hands of toy designers. The adorable electric mouse is a well-known figure that could be identified by most people, but it would appear that the designers of this toy had never seen the well-known franchise before. This Pikachu plushie's face has been disarranged where Pikachu's eyes have been swapped with the Pokémon's red facial dots, the results feel like an acid trip.
It looks like Pikachu has been suffering from a really bad acid trip. This should serve as a lesson for toy designers to check the source material before recreating iconic characters.
Woody and Slink Had a Rough Day
Toy Story is a top-rated franchise beloved by nostalgic adults and young children. We all remember first seeing the toys come to life on the big screen, and we couldn't wait to purchase the toys for ourselves or for our children. We all were ready to buy the toy right away, that was until we saw these toys' designs. It would appear that the entire cast of Toy Story was enjoying their drug-influenced trip a bit too hard.
Slink, the slinky dog character from Toy Story, has a truly comical facial expression. Especially when paired with Woody's slack-jawed appearance. However, no matter how humorous we will not be buying these toys for our children.
Suicidal Rubber Duckies
What is the exact function of a rubber duck? That remains unclear, but we all know how a rubber duck is supposed to float in your bathtub. Since we probably only purchase these toys for aesthetic reasons it would be vital that they float the right way up. However, it would appear the designer's behind these rubber ducks decided to never ensure that they indeed floated correctly. Instead, we now have a tub full of suicidal ducks.
Ducks cannot breathe underwater so this image of a tub of rubber ducks floating upside down with their heads under the water is disconcerting and proves why you should always test your products.
The Kids Are Really Going to Ride That Duck
Kiddie rides have fallen out of popularity, but they still exist out there in the wild, open world. Perhaps, you have even ridden one or let your child ride on in the recent past. Hopefully, the ride didn't look like this one. This kiddie ride was designed after the image of the iconic character, Donald Duck, but the ride's designer decided to depict Donald in a position that makes taking this ride feel quite inappropriate for children and adults.
Most people don't want to ride Donald Duck in this manner, and we just have to be amazed that this ride's design was able to get through the approval process.
No One Wanted to Know This About Teddy Bears
Everyone has seen the anatomy models in schools and in medical dramas. These models are often extremely visual and assist us in understanding the anatomy of the human body and where all of our organs are in our individual bodies. Less often do we see such diagrams or models for creatures other than human beings. Take, for example, this accurate model of a bear's anatomy. Since none of us are bear surgeons this figurine just comes off as creepy.
Do you see the little paws? They are ridiculously cute and creepy at the same time. How is that possible? How can something so cute be absolutely horrifying at the same time?
Bootleg Baby Yoda
Baby Yoda is, perhaps, the most adorable creature to appear on the small screen in quite some time. With the creature's insane popularity it can be expected that there is plenty of merchandise inspired by the creature, both official and unofficial. In this story, a man's mother's obsession with Baby Yoda forced her to decide to purchase herself a doll. Sadly, the mother purchased a bootleg, unofficial version, of the creature.
The result of her purchase was a Baby Yoda who looks like it gained a few extra pounds and went through some traumatic physical experience that disfigured him into a goblin-like creature.
Dose Eating Kinder Chocolate Make One a White Supremacist?
Kinder has been making delicious candy for many, many years. They even have some super fun chocolate eggs that are hollowed out to contain little toys. While this candy has been banned in several countries for posing a choking hazard there might have been another reason for banning the company's toys. As shown below the design department of this candy manufacturer did not think long or hard enough before sending this toy out to American consumers.
Kidding aside, Kinder is not supportive of white supremacist efforts. However, the design department should have done some research on the U.S. before designing a Kinder toy holding balloons that say "KKK."
What Have You Done, Bootleg Lego?
Legos are good fun and such an adaptive and customizable toy. You can build massive buildings, craft inviting space crafts, and more with a few boxes of legos. The Lego franchise has even crafted little figures to fill up our creation, but this Chinese Lego company apparently did not take the time to properly analyze their latest toy soldiers. The Lego soldier leader appears to have a tiny little mustache that reminds us of someone specific.
We are hoping that the Chinese Lego company's designers were unaware of the figure's comparative features with the famous homicidal maniac this resembles.
BDSM Cat Woman Chew Toy
Yep, you read that right. Who thought that all of those words would ever come together to describe a single object? At this pet store, they were selling chew toys for people's animals. The designer behind this specific chew toy seemed to decide to have some fun with their product. The female body is adorned with some BDSM-like gear while sporting a feline's head instead of a human head.
The resulting monstrosity of a chew toy is both offensive and hilarious. However, we've decided we would still purchase this chew toy because the only place this belongs is in a dog's mouth.
Shake What Your Mama Gave You
Little toy dogs are just adorable and horribly difficult to design poorly. Everyone, hopefully, knows how a dog should appear, and therefore there is little room for toy designers to mess up. Then there were the designers behind this adorable pug toy. The toy pug inflates in water, but the designer never considered how that might go and the results are a pug with a thiccc (three c's) booty.
All we can say to this image of a toy pug with an impossibly large rear is to "shake what your mama gave you." The Kardashians would probably adopt this hound.
The Haunted Cymbal Banging Attic Monkey
People discover some unique finds in their attics all of the time. Some priceless family heirloom, an ancestor's journal, a haunted monkey toy, the possibilities are endless. Unfortunately for this family, they discovered the latter in their attic, a toy monkey. The toy just screams haunted to us, and we would recommend throwing this monkey out before they have some Chucky-like haunting on their hands. Whoever designed this toy had some dark thoughts.
The monkey's wide eyes and the grin on its face are giving everyone the heebie-jeebies. It doesn't help that the years it spent away in the attic have not helped.
Antique Toys Are Leaving Us Confused
For thousands of years children have played with toys and they have gradually evolved over the years. Some people are into finding and acquiring some of these unique toys such as depicted below. However, some toys of the modern era are odd and they only get odder the farther we go back. So this unique toy is leaving us with a few too many questions of concern with no answers in sight.
Is there a child coming out of the egg, why is the baby yellow with hair, or what happened to the baby's mouth? There are just way too many questions!
Middle Earth Featuring Heroin Addiction
Middle Earth is one of the most expansive fantasy worlds to have ever to been imagined. Its characters and locations have been etched into our memories from the movies and the books. With the franchise's massive fan base, we would expect some toys and that these toys would attempt to be accurate. Unfortunately, the designer decided to design Bilbo Baggins, one of the series' protagonists, as a heroin addict.
Maybe instead of heroin, there is another, even more, potent drug that is plaguing the homeland of the hobbits. Perhaps that could be the story behind another installment in the fantasy franchise.
Lost in Translation
Ambulances are amazing for their ability to save human lives. Due to their attention-grabbing alarms when they race by us it makes sense that children would want to have an ambulance of their own. However, when the parent's bought their child this toy ambulance they realized that something got lost in translation. Rather than having "Ambulance" written on the side of the toy car the word "Meat" is written instead.
Perhaps in other parts of the world, their ambulances are utilized to transport meat products? Either way, this is a lesson that toy designers should double-check on Google's translation services.
Vintage Clowns Are Absolutely Terrifying
Once again, vintage toys are almost always more terrifying than their modern-day counterparts. One example of this fact is depicted below with these mannequin clowns. Like, clowns were already slightly terrifying, but this is a whole new level. The clowns' haggard appearance makes us feel like they could come alive at any moment and start chasing us down. That is without even getting into the facial expressions. The dead eyes in the first one are sending us chills.
The designer must have been aiming to get their clowns on the set of some horror flick, because if that isn't the case then someone needs to check on their mental well-being.
Toothbrush Gun
Guns are a scary and divisive subject matter, especially with escalating gun violence in America. So it would make sense that the market for toy guns would not be doing well. However, instead of moving on to other toy products, these designers decided to place a toothbrush on the end of this toy gun. This shows that not one of the designers was really thinking when they came up with this toothbrush design.
Ya, here you go kid, just put the end of the gun's barrel in your mouth. This is alarming that this even exists, and promotes a practice that we shouldn't be encouraging in children.
Looks Like They're Giving the Racing Horses Substances Again
Racing horses are often doped up on some drugs to perform better. This practice is often illegal for human beings, so the racehorses get all of the good stuff. That remains true even in this horse-shaped kiddie ride. The horse's eyes appear to be larger than physically possible, and the only logical explanation is that the high is drugged out of its mind on stimulants. However, we aren't sure we needed this realism for a children's ride.
The designer was really trying to make the ride as realistic as possible, but was that really necessary? We appreciate the attention to detail but it seems they went to the extreme here.
Gollum's Precious
Gollum is one of the more recognizable figures from the Lord of the Rings franchise. This particular creature is often remembered for its obsession with The One Ring and how he called it "my precious." This toy's owner uses their toy Gollum to hold their cash when they play poker, and it would appear that Gollum has discovered a new "precious," stone-cold cash. We really cannot blame Gollum because that is also our one precious.
While this might have not been the intended purpose of this toy's design since it ended up working out to the toy's owner's advantage. Sometimes a design failure works out for the better.
Handcrafted Dolls
People have some very unique talents. When this person's boss discovered that their employee made plush toys they recruited their employee's unique skills to make a specific for their child. The results are straight out of a horror movie about haunted plush dolls. We aren't sure where to start with this plushie. The demonic, yellow eyes of the rabbit or the ridiculous long arms are just a few examples of the horrifying characteristics of this mismatched monstrosity.
Now, we don't mean to insult the artistic inspiration that led to the creation of this doll. It's just that this seems like it should not be around any children.
When Troll and Ninja Turtle Love Each Other Very Much
Everyone remembers the iconic plastic Troll characters and their famous hairstyles. Then there were the most popular turtles to ever exist, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It would appear that these two different toy franchises meet at some point in the past and fell in love. Their love produced some baby troll ninja turtles (say that three times fast). That is the only possible explanation for what see below. Two Ninja Turtles with the famous hairdo of the Trolls.
The only other explanation is that the designer behind these toys decided to steal from one of the two franchises when designing their company's next toy product. This probably violates a copyright law.
The Child of Bill Cosby and Yoda
It is often humorous how distinctive characteristics of someone's face stay consistent through time and, seemingly, space. Take, for example, this Yoda doll. Yoda is one of the greatest Jedi in the Star Wars universe, but this version has a seemingly eerie resemblance to the infamous comedian, Bill Cosby. Our hypothesis? Bill Cosby traveled through space and time to the Star Wars universe to conceive a child with one of Yoda's relatives. It seems like the only plausible explanation.
Well, then there's the explanation that the designer behind this toy was unfamiliar with the iconic Jedi character and based their design off of Bill Cosby, but that couldn't be the case.